I can't say that I've been trough a lot of bad things in my life, I can't. What I can say is though, that I've been trough a couple of things in my 16 year old life. The biggest thing just keeps expanding and always manages to pop up into my thoughts.
When I was nine years old I went to third grade, I remember the last day of third grade so clearly. We had our graduation and the weather was warm, sunny with some fading breezes. I came home with my mother and we sat down in the kitchen. We started talking about things I can't remember but the only thing I can remember is when she said "Me and your dad are getting a divorce". I wasn't really sure what a divorce was but I saw the tears in my mothers eyes and I knew that something wasn't right. I started thinking about that the same night, why dad had slept in another room for 6 months and the word "divorce". It just HAD a connection and about a week after I got the real picture of it. Mum, my sister, my uncle and I we sat in a car going to see an apartment then we arrived and I went trough the apartment. When I passed one of the rooms I heard mum saying "I'll take it". I wasn't so sad about the divorce if I'm going to be completely honest since I couldn't stand the arguing and the disagreements in the house. THIS WOULD SOLVE THINGS.
I was wrong, after 1,5 years my mum started acting weird. Sure, she was depressed after the divorce but she didn't show it much after the divorce. At this point she told me not to bring home any friends, give our house number out. Not even to my friends or my dad!
The day I knew something was really wrong was one day in the spring when my sister was supposed to "babysit" me since mum was going out. My sister came home maybe one hour late with her boyfriend and later when my mum came home she got this absurd outbreak at my sister. For no reason I felt. Mum was really upset and mad at my sister for not taking care of me and for being with her boyfriend. I mean my sister she was there, she cooked food. She did what she was supposed to and she got blamed for it. It's hard to explain how the events happened that day since everything is a blur to me, I've pretty much blocked out many things from my life that happened 4-6 years ago. Well back on subject, my mum and my sister started arguing like I've never seen them argue before. About a week after I saw my dads car outside of our apartment and I ran out to hug him, then I asked why he had a wagon behind his car. He said "Well your sister is moving out. She's talked to me about what's going on with her and your mum."
My dad had an extra room in his apartment where me and my sister would sleep in the weekends we were seeing him. She was moving to dads and I was really sad. Again, I didn't quite understand what was going on, so I was just happy about getting my own room!
After a while, in the middle of 5th grade my mum started acting differently and she was paranoid, that's what I would call it. She changed our phone number home several times, believing that my father was spying on us. Same thing with internet, I was never allowed to go online cause my father "might be tracking us." Not that I had a clue why she thought so. My father's always been a great person, everybody respects him and he's never done anything like that.
I wasn't even allowed to hand out my number to two of my best friends which I thought was crazy.
One day I saw my friends playing at a soccer field across the street and I wanted to go out, my mum wouldn't let me. I begged 3 times and she yelled at me and forced me to go to my fathers. So I jumped on my bike and went as fast as I could in the rain, when it was freezing with only a light jacket on. It took me and hour to get home to my dad, by the time I was there I spotted my mum's car with all my things in it. So I ended up staying at my fathers and visiting my mother during the weekends after that.
Things with her just escalated from there... One day she was going to pick me up from my dad's and I was running 2 minutes late. Just as I was about to unlock the car door she hit the gas and drove away. I was stunned. So I went back inside to call her and just as I pressed 'call' I hear somebody honking, uncontrollably outside. The car was going back and forth, the horn never stopped blaring for 5 minutes straight. She didn't even answer my calls, that was heartbreaking for me!
By night I was in tears as I called my dad and he was upset about her actions as well.
The next day he tried to get her to pick me up again and she refused. My dad encouraged me to call her at least 3 times a week, maybe she just needed to cool down. I tried for 6 months! The last call I made was on Christmas eve, just as I was about to say 'Merry Chr-" she hung up on me. My dad told me that I didn't have to try anymore, because I just broke down and he couldn't stand me like that.
I cried myself to sleep for half a year and it's really hard being 12 years old, being ignored by your mother. My mothers actions caused my relatives to turn their backs on me, my sister and my father. The only people who didn't turn their backs on us was my father's sister and her family. Otherwise about 20 of my relatives turned their backs on us without even knowing the story!
There's so much left of this I just feel like I need to get it out there for some reason... maybe just to get it off my chest since I really find it hard to talk about things.
Anyways when all this happend I became depressed and even when I'm just sad I barely eat anything. Considering I already was a bit underweight before that (Nothing dangerous though) this really didn't help the situation. I cried myself to sleep and barely ate, hell I had days where I didn't even brush my teeth. I was broken, I felt useless. I mean my own mother practically disowned me!
So yeah after one year of being like that I had to gain at least 20-25 pounds to be right over the edge of normal weight. I was still pretty depressed all the time. My confidence was... well I didn't have any. I had no friends, just nothing to rely on except my sister and my dad.
Talking to your dad and sister just isn't the same, it's harder to talk because I was afraid they would judge me. So one day my sisters husband introduced me to two new songs. Seize the day & Scream From that moment I was hooked.
Avenged Sevenfold just helped me get my life back on track. I've never been so grateful and thankful for music. Before them I just listened to music because i was bored or whatever, now I listen to it because it makes me feel good about myself. It's like an emotional outlet.
That's why I loved Avenged Sevenfold, because without them I would have kept destroying my life and everything close around me. Even though I've had no mother during these past 5 years, when I needed one the most it's just been a relief to feel like 'the music understands me'. I get defensive when it comes to A7X but I have my reasons..
This is just like a very short version of what happened and really simple, it was just horrible but A7X, my sister and my father made me stronger and who I am today. I couldn't be more thankful for that. <3
What's your story?
